someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
