Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
