Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I will be naked everywhere
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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