I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
