is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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