Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
