WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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