wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
