So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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