Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
What a dumb baby whore.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
