Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
