Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
