She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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