we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
