You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
