i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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