I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
