38 yer olds are good kisserssss
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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