I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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