I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
