So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
