You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
