We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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