got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
