i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
