I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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