what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
