i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
