Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
