I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
