grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Small penises have feelings too.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
