bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
