someone get that fucking seahorse.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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