Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
