I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
