Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
