I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
