everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
