ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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