And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
