Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
