I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I need a beard to bite.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
