its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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