She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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