I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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