im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
