wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Randomize
