at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
