There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
