i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
