I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
