do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We are two peas in an std pod
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
