Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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