That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
